Alpha left a comment on my last post that, when I was responding to it, was turning into a post of its own. So I decided to make it a post of its own.
Alpha is a much more experienced Dom than I. I have been following his blog for many months and I have a lot of respect for him. I appreciate any words of wisdom and advice he wants to give me.
Alpha shared his concern that I had gone too far with the chastity conversation with sayyid, and perhaps in other things as well.
So here is my response to Alpha and anyone who else who shares his concern:
I appreciate the concern. Really I do. However, I assure you sayyid is fine with what I do. Yes I laugh and tease him and sometimes tell him his opinion does not matter. Yes there are some mindfucks along the way. But I’ll let you in on a little secret: sayyid enjoys it.
How do I know this? Because he tells me. Either on his own or the many times I check in with him. Yes, I check in regularly, to ensure he is still happy with the way things are going and with what I am doing. I remind him he has a choice. Submission is always a choice.
And each and every time I’ve asked him these questions, and asked if I’ve gone too far, he has given me the same answer: more please.
In fact, to demonstrate: The other day I didn’t go far enough (I thought I had. But apparently he wanted to feel more of my control) so unbidden he fell to his knees and kissed my feet, professing my total ownership over him, telling me how happy he is, reminding me that I have all the control and to use it to make me happy.
Never have I ever asked him to kiss my feet and rarely do I ask him to kneel. He told me at the beginning these were two things he was not comfortable with doing. I have respected that. So the significance of what he did that night was not lost on me.
I didn’t blog about this. There are some things I choose to keep private. However I bring this up now to illustrate 1. I respect limits, 2. Sayyid’s strong desire that I take full control even if this involves something he doesn’t enjoy or that which makes him uncomfortable (which I have been hesitant to do but am slowly building my confidence), and 3. For him my happiness truly comes first.
It may be hard to understand for some who do not have a dynamic like ours. But it works for us and we are both very happy.
Alpha said “When your sub is clearly communicating his dislike for a certain thing, you laugh at him and tell him that it doesn’t matter, it’s inevitable.” Yes I do. And I make no apologies for this. My sub does not have to like everything I do.
“his fears and feelings don’t matter, because you’re going to get your way no matter what.” Let me clarify – his feelings and fears do matter to me, even when I’m letting on to him, at the time, that they don’t. As I mentioned previously, I check in often to assess these things. And yes, with this chastity issue it’s true, I likely will get what I want. I have always gotten what I want.
Our conversation last night and the way it occurred did come off rather dismissive on my part, I admit. It was meant to. And what I did not mention is we went on to have a rather enjoyable time together, with a rather submissive sayyid, who gets off on me demonstrating my complete control over him.