I assure you all sayyid is happy

Alpha left a comment on my last post that, when I was responding to it, was turning into a post of its own. So I decided to make it a post of its own.

Alpha is a much more experienced Dom than I. I have been following his blog for many months and I have a lot of respect for him. I appreciate any words of wisdom and advice he wants to give me.

Alpha shared his concern that I had gone too far with the chastity conversation with sayyid, and perhaps in other things as well.

So here is my response to Alpha and anyone who else who shares his concern:

I appreciate the concern. Really I do. However, I assure you sayyid is fine with what I do. Yes I laugh and tease him and sometimes tell him his opinion does not matter. Yes there are some mindfucks along the way. But I’ll let you in on a little secret: sayyid enjoys it.

How do I know this? Because he tells me. Either on his own or the many times I check in with him. Yes, I check in regularly, to ensure he is still happy with the way things are going and with what I am doing. I remind him he has a choice. Submission is always a choice.

And each and every time I’ve asked him these questions, and asked if I’ve gone too far, he has given me the same answer: more please.

In fact, to demonstrate: The other day I didn’t go far enough (I thought I had. But apparently he wanted to feel more of my control) so unbidden he fell to his knees and kissed my feet, professing my total ownership over him, telling me how happy he is, reminding me that I have all the control and to use it to make me happy.

Never have I ever asked him to kiss my feet and rarely do I ask him to kneel. He told me at the beginning these were two things he was not comfortable with doing. I have respected that. So the significance of what he did that night was not lost on me.

I didn’t blog about this. There are some things I choose to keep private. However I bring this up now to illustrate 1. I respect limits, 2. Sayyid’s strong desire that I take full control even if this involves something he doesn’t enjoy or that which makes him uncomfortable  (which I have been hesitant to do but am slowly building my confidence), and 3. For him my happiness truly comes first.

It may be hard to understand for some who do not have a dynamic like ours.  But it works for us and we are both very happy.

Alpha said “When your sub is clearly communicating his dislike for a certain thing, you laugh at him and tell him that it doesn’t matter, it’s inevitable.”  Yes I do. And I make no apologies for this. My sub does not have to like everything I do.

“his fears and feelings don’t matter, because you’re going to get your way no matter what.” Let me clarify – his feelings and fears do matter to me, even when I’m letting on to him, at the time, that they don’t. As I mentioned previously, I check in often to assess these things. And yes, with this chastity issue it’s true, I likely will get what I want. I have always gotten what I want.

Our conversation last night and the way it occurred did come off rather dismissive on my part, I admit. It was meant to. And what I did not mention is we went on to have a rather enjoyable time together, with a rather submissive sayyid, who gets off on me demonstrating my complete control over him.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

16 thoughts on “I assure you all sayyid is happy

  1. It is interesting, isn’t it, how it is so easy for people to misread? It happens. I have caught myself doing it, but other times (most times) it is so clear that I wonder how others don’t see it. People miss the meanings behind the actions, it is a shame because that IS the beauty.

    Liked by 3 people

  2. I follow Alpha&kat too. They have a great blog. However writing is black and white. It is open to interpretation because nuances aren’t ever communicated. I got your nuances on that post perhaps because we’ve spoken so much about this and perhaps because I’m into cages and male chastity. Alpha is coming to your posts from a different direction and his understanding is based on his experiences! And so the different interpretation!

    Liked by 2 people

  3. I come from a psychology background, so I naturally worry about the psychological and emotional well-being of people. And when I read that someone laughed at another person’s fears while they are communicating those fears, it naturally puts up a red flag to me. But you’re right, I do not know the nuances of your personal dynamic with sayyid. And if he really enjoys that type of interplay between you, and doesn’t just say it to please you, then I have no concerns, and wish you both the best.

    Liked by 2 people

    1. I am a social worker and have some knowledge of psychology as well. I completely understand when you say you naturally worry about the well being of people. I do that too. It’s not something we can turn off and on at will either. I get it.

      I had (and at times still do) the same reaction you did when I’ve read other femdom blogs. “How could he possibly like being treated that way? What a cruel heartless person to treat another human being that way!” But then…… things changed for me, for us, and I have a better understanding now. They are doing what is wanted by their subs. It is consensual even when it doesn’t appear to be.

      It’s crazy to me that my blog is now getting some of the reaction I used to have for these types of blogs. And I’m not even a quarter as cruel -yet! Lol

      Liked by 3 people

  4. The way you interact with Sayyid reminds me of how HD pushes my boundaries, in some ways. He says things that trigger my submissive mindset and cause me to recede into what he calls my “space” (which I’ve described as a kind of dark misty place where I feel safe and, if I am far enough inside, I temporarily lose conscious control of my body and speech). He says things that I don’t want to hear, taunts me with things I don’t want to do. Will he ever require them of me? Unlikely. Does he mean them? Also unlikely. (I know I am more to him than a piece of meat, for instance.) They serve the purpose of making me feel a certain way in the moment, which (as an emotional masochist) releases all sorts of chemicals in my brain. (It’s the feeling of being completely in his control and at his mercy, knowing that he could do anything he wanted that doesn’t violate my hard limits. It’s also knowing that I trust him implicitly with my safety and limits and that he wants me happy, not miserable. I always feel safe.) He says these things in the moment because it’s hot, it’s erotic, it triggers his Domspace, it triggers my submissive space… but that doesn’t mean he’s serious about it. He may tell me that I’m a fuckdoll while he’s pounding away at my cervix, but afterward he cuddles and kisses and tells me how much he loves me, that I’m his little girl, etc. Just because something is said in the heat of a scene doesn’t mean it’s the entire truth of the relationship.

    Part of D/s is pushing boundaries, the sub doing things s/he doesn’t want to do in order to please the Dom(me). As long as it’s consensual (or CNC). As much as I would like to always get my way and never have to do anything I don’t want to, that isn’t how it works, and it wouldn’t be healthy for me if it were. On that note, Sayyid wouldn’t be happy if you gave into his wants all the time, or if you didn’t treat him as inferior at least part of the time. That’s the draw, knowing that you love him and yet being treated like you aren’t concerned. From what I have gathered, the dichotomy of that situation is stimulating for him.

    Liked by 1 person

  5. I know you would always take excellent care of sayyid and treat him with respect. I think it is a bit of a knee jerk reaction for people. If I did not know you or read much of your blog before I can see the concern. In some ways, people have become so used to the negatives and horror stories they forget the beautiful parts of it.

    I have no doubts your relationship with him is healthy and rewarding for you both. 🙂 xoxo

    Liked by 1 person

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