I read furcissy’s posts #433 & #444 on whether D/s is “real” life (for those whose lives are built around D/s) or something that is incorporated when it can be worked around life. Naughty Nora then made a post pondering this for herself, inspired by furcissy’s. Both of them have in turn led me to contemplate this in my own perspective.
Following fc’s examples, I believe that D/s is my “real” life. It’s almaot always forefront in my mind (sometimes even when I should be concentrating on something else!). And these just aren’t fantasies. I’m often planning things and reading books and blogs on D/s and Femdom.
From what I read ideas form, for scenes, punishments, mindfucks, tasks, games etc. I’m always jotting things down and saving them to folders and sub folders on my phone.
Fc gives an example of holidays. Here too is another reason I’m pretty sure D/s is my “real” life. I’m currently on holiday in beautiful Ireland and yet here I am bloggining about D/s, hehe.
Not only that, before I left I loosely planned in advance some ideas for tasks and assignments to complete while I’m away. Sayyid was given a list of topics to research while I’m gone. Each day he is to send me a brief report on what he read/heard/watched. I also send a potential babygirl an email almost daily with a task to complete or questions to answer. Things are progressing well there.
Don’t worry, I’m also enjoying my vacation! That’s why I planned these things ahead of time so it doesn’t require much thought or work on my part. And I use downtime to follow up. Like now, while on a bus from Belfast to Dublin.
At home, I expect sayyid to be submissive to me all the time, except for occasions when I like him to top in the bedroom. I expect him to ask permission if he wants to go somewhere, so that it does not conflict with something I already have planned for him or myself.
Sometimes he forgets though and requires reminders. This, and for other reasons, is why I believe for sayyid D/s is not his “real” life. He has to make an effort to remember, I do not. For me it’s always there, always “on” for the most part (with some exceptions).
So how as a couple do we make this work? When you have one who sees D/s as their “real” life and the other does not, it does lead to some contrasts, some conflict. We are talking about this though. The night before I left we had a good conversation about it and the fundamental differences we have in relation to D/s.
I’m confidant we will work it out. I know for sayyid he could take it or leave it and be happy. I made it very clear to him that I cannot. That was the first step. When I get back we will continue our work.
Ok I’ve got to get some sleep while I’m on this bus because this holiday is really kicking my ass! If I think of something else to add later I’ll just what fc always does and make a follow up post 😉