MissViolet’s post Freedom Through Submission was interesting for me. It had me thinking about my own submissive tendencies vs my need to dominate.
First of all, I’ll start by saying I find there is freedom is dominating. I don’t have to wait for my needs to be met. If I want an orgasm, I have one (or two or three). If I want to release some stress by spanking sayyid, I do. If I want to play online with someone, I go for it. I don’t have to wait for anyone to give me permission. That is freedom.
When I don’t feel like cooking, I can tell sayyid to do it. When I would rather go shopping or hang with a friend instead of doing housework, I can give sayyid a list of what needs to done and then do my thing. Being the Dominant in our marriage gives me the freedom to do what I want, when I want. How and why would I ever give that up now?
Yet, as MissViolet points out, there is also freedom in submitting. Sometimes I find it stressful to be the one always in control. Sometimes I want to let go and give over and just go with it. I find the safest place to do this is in the bedroom.
I can say “you be in control now” and just go with it. I don’t have to be concerned with what comes next because that’s on him. I don’t have to be concerned if I’m pushing too far or if I’m causing too much pain. I can just relax, shut my brain off for awhile and enjoy the sensations. What he does and says to me, what he makes me say and do in those moments of submission, brings on the endorphins that make my head swim. This is freeing.
However, I could never give up total control in exchange for those moments of freedom brought about through submission. Then I would be opening myself up to being vulnerable, which makes me feel needy, which leads to the ache of wanting more, the need to be pushed more, to be controlled more. Nope. Not going back there thank you very much.
So as it is now, I am the Dominant one outside the bedroom pretty much all of the time; the Dominant one in the bedroom most of the time; and submissive part of the time but in the bedroom only.
Until I read MissViolet’s post I wasn’t clear on why I was still clinging to that part of me who wants to submit. I understand a bit better now. It’s kind of like my little space. A space I can sink into occasionally to escape real world demands and stresses. True, they are waiting for me when I come back out. But whether it’s from submitting or being little, I come back feeling refreshed and ready to take the world on again.
So to sum it up, for me there is freedom is both submission and dominance. And freedom in not having to choose just one.