Spankings

It has been a number of weeks since I’ve been spanked. I have been craving it. The anticipation that builds as I’m bent over, exposed, waiting for contact. The sound on impact. The simultaneous sting. The lasting burn. The chemicals that are released and make my head swim.

I have tried willing myself to not want, to not need these things, telling myself I’m the Domme now. I give spankings, I don’t get them. It doesn’t work. Something in me cries out, desperate to feel the pain.

Why? I don’t have to endure or suffer. Why do I choose to? Well it’s really not a choice though is it? It’s something I fight against. Something I try to repress. This will be the last time, I promise myself. But it’s a lie.

Some enjoy spankings because it pushes their subspace. For them it’s not about the pain. It’s about feeling over powered, the loss of control, giving over.

I’m a masochist. Plain and simple. It doesn’t make me submissive. It doesn’t make me less dominant. In fact, most of the time I stipulate beforehand how the spankings are to be delivered. In this way I maintain control.

But the fact remains. I can no more repress this need then I can repress my need to dominate. So I shall embrace it. I will not look at it as a weakness. I will not deprive myself anymore.

We could consider it another way to serve me, as twisted as that seems, because it’s meeting a need that I have.

—————

So it looks like I’m getting spanked tonight. I’ve just informed sayyid. Was that a glint in his eyes I saw? I for sure saw a grin form.

Fine. Let him enjoy this. I have been quite hard on him lately and if he takes a little pleasure in what he may consider “pay back”, then all the better. Maybe I won’t need to urge him on to do it harder.

Then the next time I need a spanking I can always make him wear a diaper while he does it. That would really fuck him up.

 

22 thoughts on “Spankings

  1. Having a desire is no weakness, ignoring it is maybe a tiny bit. But you have this desire and it won’t go so why shouldn’t Sayyid give you the pleasure of serving you this way too. If it’s something you want or crave then it’s Sayyids job to make sure you get what you want.
    So what if Sayyid wants payback, that means you will get a really good spanking and he will love it, like you will. But putting him in a diaper….meanie Domme. Lol Maybe if he had been naughty and you needed a spanking you could tell him to wear one and not have any fun that follows the spankings normally. Hope you enjoy it and tell us all about it too.😍😗😗😗😗😗

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  2. To me, you sound like a confident Domme who knows what she needs and she knows how to get it! The fact that you get to decide what kind of spanking…implement, position, which type…is pretty damn cool. You get to fulfill all of your desires 🙂

    Liked by 2 people

    1. Thanks Nora. I wonder… knowing you penchant for spankings would you still find enjoyment from the spanking if you were to make those choices also or is it a lot about the submission for you and having your husband choose?

      Liked by 2 people

          1. Yes sometimes. I wrote about it recently in Freedoms. But for me I can’t give up total control. I can for short periods of time but then I feel that need to take it back again.

            Liked by 2 people

  3. I used to spank my wife on a regular basis, seems like any sex included spanking her. THen she started spanking me and I liked it, alot. About five years ago we had a great weekend of sex play on our anniversary. I whipped her with a belt, it was really hot. Then I encouraged her to do the same to me. I Liked that way more than she did. Now she whips me on a regular basis. I have considered whether she enjoyed being spanked and asked if she wants me to spank or whip her, but she was pretty clear that she could do without it just fine. I really do enjoy spanking her, but will do what she wants. I can’t get enough of her beating my ass red!

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Love this. Do you think she doesn’t want you to spank her because she’s concerned it would affect your dynamic of she allowed that? I was worried about that. But he truly sees it as a service to me now. And now he enjoys doing it which I don’t mind. He’s also coming to enjoy me spanking him too. Thanks for commenting! Xo

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  4. I would be concerned about it from my perspective now as a submissive to her, but I think she just physically is not into it. We are getting older (60 and 55) and the sex drive is not what it used to be! I used to worry when we were first dating that our relationship was only about sex. Now I worry that is not about sex at all. Well from my view, there is hardly any, but when there is sex it is usually outstanding.

    Liked by 1 person

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